For the past several weeks, I have been on a writing holiday…What I mean, is that I have not been writing. I have not been thinking about writing. (What I have mostly been thinking about is Gaza, but that is another story.)
Today, I decided, I need to get back to it, so I can finish my second book, Awkward Bitch 2, Ten years with MS.
Yes, that is the title.
I sat down and began taking out all my notes. Some are scribbles on paper ripped off from bags, some are on post its. I took out the printed book so far and started making piles. I opened my computer and tried to find where I left off.
I started to feel physically sick. I may actually interrupt this blog to go vomit. that is not a joke.
I put on Youtube and went to one of my inspiration videos; Florence and the machine, Never let me go, and now my heart has sunk down into the place I need it to be today.
People who don’t write, might not understand. Writing a true story is re-living…Over and over and over again. In the parts of my book where you will cry when you read it…I have cried writing it. I have cried re-writing. I have cried editing it.
Yes, don’t worry, this book has many more laughs than the first, and yes, I laugh writing those parts too.
But going back to write the dark really makes me feel ill. I am done re-living those moments, and yet I can’t be. I HAVE to finish. I am too close.
Have you ever seen one of those flip books, where it looks like the figure is moving when you quickly flip the pages?
Well imagine a child without Down Syndrome is that animation….They start out with goo goo gagas and smiles….then you blink and they are sitting up….You blink again and they are walking.
Imagine that you look closely at the flip book and look at every single frame. I always used to do this. I would look at each page and see the miniscule amount of movement that it takes to make the book work. On each page the figure has just moved a hair.
Well that is what it is like having a child with Down Syndrome…
Every mile stone is comprised of several steps of just moving a hair. I call them MINI MILESTONES. You see every single fine nuance that goes into a new movement.
Watching Chiara learn to sit up has been exciting, frustrating, fascinating, and illuminating, all in one. Each step of it has stopped my breath, as I thought she would get further, but she didn’t. She would stay on each step for weeks.
When I say, “step,” I mean, she would move a hair in the right direction. She would get to her knees and bounce back for weeks on end! Each time, I would say, “yes! go! go! go!” and then…”oh…almost!”
But then she WOULD get there! And the relief and happiness I felt was tremendous! And Chiara was so happy too!
We have learned to celebrate each page of our “flip book”. We look at every tiny step as a glorious step in the right direction. We celebrate it. We REALLY celebrate it. I have never drank so much champagne as I have since Chiara started reaching milestones, and the mini milestones…
My husband and I love having an excuse to celebrate, and she gives us reasons every day.
ps- I had read that couple who have a child with a disability have a higher rate of marital success. This first shocked me, but now I see why it is!